Androphobia
by I Chrys I
Summary: -OC Fic- Androphobia is the fear of men. Maybe it could be confused with hating men, but I don’t hate men. They just… I don’t even know… -No shipping yet-
1. Chapter I

**Disclaimer- **_I do not own Soul Eater or any of the characters from the series and will never claim them as my own. The _only _character I own is Leni Stark._

A/N- _I often don't put my author's note at the beginning of a chapter, but I feel that I should do so for this story simply because there are things that I will need to explain at the beginning of some chapters. As for this "chapter", it's simply a sort of prologue told in the first person. Please don't chew me out if the characters are OOC, either, or for anything else that happens in this story. I already know. I do my best most of the time._

_Please don't take any offense to the stuff written in this story. It's just a story and I'm not trying to clash with your beliefs by anything that gets written. Also, before reading the actually story, I'd like to let you in on a little info about Leni. Her last name supposedly means "strong" or "brave", so I gave it to her for ironies sake because she's a very weak and cowardly woman. There will never be a point in this story that she is not weak because the whole plot revolves around her fears and weaknesses and such. _

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_Androphobia is the fear of men. Maybe it could be confused with hating men, but I don't hate men. They just…. I don't even know. They're stronger and smarter and generally taller than women, so I guess that's something to be afraid of. Maybe it's because I'm smaller and weaker than most women. I-I'm really not sure. _

"Hey, I haven't seen you before. Are you lost? Don't worry! The Great Black Star will help you!"

I turned to face the young man who had addressed me. A couple more inches and he'd be taller than I was, which wasn't a very comforting thought at all. He seemed nice enough, maybe just a little egotistical if I went off of how he introduced himself, but I couldn't get that through my head. He wasn't going to hurt me or anything, that I knew of, so I really had nothing to be afraid of. Even so, I found myself taking a few steps back. I didn't want to be near him at all.

'_He's still just a child, what are you so afraid of?! Get you act together and accept his offer!'_

It didn't matter how many times I repeated that in my head, I couldn't stop myself from turning and running away. I expected him to follow me and, at first, it seemed like he was going to because he called after me, but that was all. Still, I couldn't stop running no matter how much I wanted to. So I kept running without even thinking about whether I was getting farther away from my destination or closer to it. I just wanted to put as much distance between that child and me as I possibly could.

But it was because of that that I nearly collided with someone. I wasn't sure how I managed to do it, but I sort of spun around him, if that makes any sense. It was at that point that I actually managed to slow myself down. Though, it was only to give myself time to apologize to the man. Even with the tiniest glimpse I caught of him I could tell he was a very strange man.

_He scared me more than any of the people I had seen before and I had no idea at the time that I'd be thanking myself so many times later that I'd met him. In fact, he was only one of two people that I had met that day that I could honestly say I was glad to meet. The next was someone I was about to run into. _

I started running again to get away from him. It felt like my whole body was shaking and I was afraid my knees were going to give out on me. If I were to collapse anywhere, I would rather it be somewhere where there were no men. That would only make the situation far worse than it already was and I didn't want to cause too much trouble. Though, I guess it was a little late for that.

'_Why am I even here? Of course, I'm here to help out in the infirmary, but I'm at a _school_ and schools have male students and teachers. This is all just to get rid of this stupid, silly fear of mine. That's why I'm here.'_

I was so distracted by me own thoughts that I wasn't able to stop myself from running into someone this time. We both fell back from the impact and I tried to get up quickly to help her and apologize, but my legs finally decided to give and I slipped back onto the floor in an instant. Much to my surprise, she was the one offering a hand to me. I was hesitant to accept her help at first because it was my fault we fell, but her smile was big enough to make me take her hand and let her pull me up.

"S-Sorry!" I stuttered. "I'm so sorry! I wasn't paying attention and I running and I ran into you and I'm _so_ sorry!"

"It's alright." She said, her smile never fading once. "I just want to know what you were running from. You looked like you were really spooked."

"That is…" I paused. I really wasn't sure how to explain it. I really wasn't comfortable talking to someone I just met about my problems, so it was hard trying to figure out an excuse. "I just felt like running, you know? Because it's good for your health, right? A little exercise it good for you, you see!"

_'What a stupid excuse. Why couldn't you come up with anything better than that?'_

She laughed, but it was still obvious that she was concerned. There was no way I was going to get around that. I wanted to tell her the truth, but I couldn't make myself do it. Eventually, I would probably be able to make myself tell her, but not right now. I couldn't do that now.

"I wasn't running from anything back. Really, I wasn't. So don't be bothered by it."

"Alright," She said, but her eyes were still full of questions. "I don't think I've met you before, though. My name is Marie Mjolnir."

"I-It's a pleasure meeting you!" I said, extend my arm to shake hands. "I'm Leni Stark."

"Oh! Are you the new nurse?"

"Y-Yes. That's right. I'm really not sure where the infirmary is, though. I think I may have passed it on accident. Could you show me where it is?"

"Of course! It's this way."

_I wish I had known that she was just as lost as I was when I asked her for help. It might have saved me a great deal of time. Though, I really can't say it was all that bad being lost with her. She was the only person at that time that made me want to smile as much as I was. It was almost impossible _not _to smile when I was around her._

After walking around for who knows how long, we finally made it to the infirmary. I was very surprised, to say the least. I wouldn't have to ask for help again tomorrow because I knew where I was going now. Or, well, I kind of knew where I was supposed to go. I would just have to pay attention to what rooms were around me when I left.

I waved goodbye to Marie before entering the room. There was a woman seated at the only desk in the room flipping through some files. I really didn't want to bother her because she looked busy, but it didn't seem like I had much of a choice when she looked up at me.

"Hello…" I said as I gave a sort of half wave. "Are you Mira Nygus?"

"Yes." She replied, giving me a questioning look. "May I help you?"

"S-Sorry!" I stammered. "I'm Leni Stark. I'm supposed to be helping you out from now on here in the infirmary."

"Oh! You're the new nurse, then. You couldn't have come at a better time. I need to step out for a little bit. Can you look after everything for me for a while?"

"Yes! Of course!"

The moment she left I collapsed into the chair by the desk. It was one of those rolling chairs that you could make spin around, so it was kind of fun to sit in. I really had nothing to do and no one appeared to be coming in anytime soon, so I amused myself by making the seat of the chair go from side to side. I wanted to spin around in it, though, but I didn't because I didn't want to get dizzy or anything like that. I slowly began to let my mind wander away from me as I sat there.

I found myself thinking about that man I almost ran into. If I'd hit him I would have fallen for sure and he would probably get mad or something. He wasn't someone I wanted to have going around hating me. Maybe I was imagining things, but I thought I saw a bolt in his head and he had stitches on everything. It was like something out of a horror film.

I had no right to judge him before I met him, but I did and I should have felt awful for doing it. Even if he was a nice guy, which I'm not really sure he was, he could be hiding something. He could be just like those men, wanting nothing more than to beat me up just because they were told to. He could be like everyone else who wants to get rid of me because I'm nothing.

'_I'm worthless, nothing more than trash. I don't deserve to be here.'_

I heard someone grab the doorknob and looked up as they stepped into the room. It was one of the female students. Blonde hair pulled into pigtails, big green eyes, cute face. It took me a minute, but I managed to get myself back into a more stable state of mind. I planned on thanking her later for helping me snap back into reality even if she didn't understand what I was talking about.

"Can I help you?" I asked, forcing a smile.

The expression on her face said she wasn't buying it. I wasn't surprised. It wasn't hard to see through an expression that wasn't sincere. So I just stopped smiling and motioned for her to come into the room.

"Is Nygus-sensei not here?" She asked.

"She went somewhere a little while ago. Is it something I can help you with?"

There was a moment of silence, like she was thinking about what to do. She was wary of me and it wasn't hard to tell. She hadn't met me before, so she had no idea who I even was. Even so, it was a little heart-breaking to have someone try to decide whether they could trust you or not.

"No, it's fine." She said. "I'll just talk to her later."

"A-Alright."

She left the room and I was alone again. It was a little nerve-wracking being alone in such a place. I started moving the chair back a forth again and suddenly realized how quiet it was. The only sound I really heard was from the squeaking noise the chair made every time it moved. It was like being at home, but there was no music.

_It was only a few minutes later that Nygus actually came back and told me I could go home. Every time I think about it, I hate myself more because I felt relieved about leaving. It wouldn't have hurt to take a few minutes to introduce myself to everyone else, but I wasn't thinking about that at the time. I just wanted to get home, but I honestly didn't think I was going to be so down when I got there. It was nice being around people, even if I was afraid, but I wouldn't have been able to convince myself of such things then. _


	2. Chapter II

**Disclaimer- **_I do not own Soul Eater or any of the characters from the series and will never claim them as my own. The _only _character I own is Leni Stark._

**A/N- **_I actually liked how I wrote the starting chapter to this fic, so I fully intend to use it from now on. It's like she's telling her own story that way. I thought it was cool. Before you read any further, I need to tell you something. Leni was not sexually abused by anyone, ever. So don't jump to that conclusion. Everything will be explained through out the story._

_OOC warning. I try hard most of the time to keep characters in character, but it's kind of hard sometimes. Please understand this and don't attack me because of it._

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_A few days had gone by since then and I had finally gotten myself to adjust to being a nurse at a school and managed to learn several names. That morning was pretty much the same as it always ever was. Oh, if only I had known how much I was going to hate this day, I would have locked myself up in my apartment and read until I fell asleep. It's one of those things you feel the need to kick yourself in the butt for, you know?_

I woke up and forced myself out of bed. I didn't even know why I was going back to that place. Everyday I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest, but I guess I was already perfectly fine with that considering I never once stopped myself. I slowly made my way to the shower, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I did. I was never a morning person, but that was all going to have to change if I really did want to stay the school nurse.

I went through my shower and got dressed and was almost ready to go when I looked in the mirror. My hair was a mess of auburn waves when it was wet and there wasn't much I could do about it. I snatched up my hairbrush and a hair tie and pulled my hair over my right shoulder before shoving it into the hair tie. It didn't look all that bad, so I just left it and made my way to the kitchen to make toast. It was the fastest thing I could think to make in the morning, so I would be able to eat it quickly and leave.

As I was heading toward the door, I stopped and ran back into my room. There was a clipboard full of mostly blank papers that I'd been taking with me just so I could doodle or something while waiting until someone needed help or until someone came and talked to me. I didn't really leave the infirmary much because I was too afraid of how I would react or how others would react, so I had to have something to do to keep me from getting bored. I shoved the clipboard into a bag and hurried out the door. The faster I got to school, the better it would be for me.

There was a man leaning against the wall of one of the buildings near my apartment. I couldn't really see who it was at first, but there was something about him that made him seem familiar to me. It wasn't until I got closer and he looked up at me that I realized exactly who it was. I looked around as he started walking toward me. There had to be some other way to go to get away from him, but the only way I saw was in his direction.

If I could run past him, maybe I could get away from him. But he was faster than I was and I knew that. I had to think of something. Maybe I could just ignore him and walk by him without even looking back. Maybe that would work.

"No hug for your father, Leni?" He asked, throwing one of his arms out to grab me. "Not even a simply 'hello'?"

I was shaking. This man was not my father. I couldn't believe something like that and yet I had to because it was true. I didn't want to hug him or speak to him or anything. I just wanted to go.

I wanted him to leave me alone. He was a horrible, awful man. There wasn't an ounce of good in him and every word he said to me was a lie. He couldn't speak the truth and the only thing he wanted to do was manipulate people. Everyone one around him was a puppet that he would dispose of once he got bored with them.

"I-I have nothing to say to you. Please let me go."

"Come on, Leni." He said, faking a smile. "Why don't you come back and live with daddy, huh? We can be a family again. Just like old times. You know I'm the only person who cares."

"Don't talk to me!" I barked, jerking my arm away from him.

He frowned at me and pretended like he was hurt. I knew what he was thinking. I saw through him and I knew what he was thinking. There was something he wanted and he couldn't get it alone. I wasn't going to be his pawn and I would do anything to get away from him.

"You can't keep running forever. I'm the only family you've got and the only person you can trust. You need me. You know that, right, Leni?"

'_Just run. Keep running. Ignore him. Ignore him, Leni! Just ignore him.'_

I couldn't block out his words no matter how hard I tried. They kept repeating in my head again and again and again. If I could just get to the school I could get my mind off of him. I could find something completely different to talk about. It was just a little farther.

I was so close. All I had to do was keep myself going and not look back. If my feet would just stay moving, I could get there and get inside and I'd be safe. I would only have to worry about the students and that would be it. I would be fine if I could just keep going, but I couldn't.

My legs gave out on me and I dropped to my knees. If anyone had seen my like this, the trouble it would cause trying to explain. If I hadn't been so afraid, so weak, I could have done something. Anything would have been fine, but there was nothing. I hated all of this and everything and I couldn't take it.

"You bastard!" My voice cracked as I spoke. I was trembling. I was doing nothing more than cowering in fear because that was all I ever did. "How could you…?! To show up like that…. Why?"

'_I don't need you! I don't need you! I don't need you! Leave me alone!'_

"Leni?" It was Marie's voice. "Are you alright?"

"Nothing." I said, choking on my own words. "It's nothing. I-I'm fine."

I inhaled slowly before tilting my head back. The first thing I saw was that strange guy that was always with Marie. Stein was his name, I think, but his name really wasn't important right now. The most important thing I could possibly have done was kept myself from shrieking like a banshee the moment I saw him. He was so close, close enough that all I had to do was tilt my head back just a little further and I'd be touching him.

They winced and I scrambled to my feet. I didn't mind seeing Marie. Marie was fine. I could be around her, but Stein was a whole other story. He scared me so very much that I almost felt like I could pass out from fright.

"Sorry!" I squeaked as I started backing up. "Sorry! I-I… That is… Sorry!"

_You can probably guess exactly what I did right after that. I always seemed to think running from everything was the best way, but running just makes you more of a coward. I really don't want to bore you by telling you about my _whole_ day, so I'll just explain the important things. I suppose that would mean skipping all the way to lunchtime, wouldn't it? _

I sat there thinking about what I should eat. I hadn't brought anything from home and I really didn't want to leave to go to the store or anything. That man would probably be waiting for me outside, ready to take me to the place _he_ called home. I didn't want to go anywhere with him. I didn't want to do anything with him or do anything for him. If I could just forget about this morning, forget about everything, maybe things would be easier.

But I couldn't forget about any of it. It was all there just waiting for a chance to drag me down and destroy my sanity. I knew it and I could feel it, but I couldn't give in. I could never give in. I had friends and people who cared about me and if I just let myself fall so easily, it would just make things worse.

'_No, that's wrong. It's a lie. No one cares. The only one who-!'_

"Stop thinking like that, Leni." I mumbled as I squeezed my coat as tightly as I could. "That's not true and you know it."

"_You need me. You know that, right, Leni?"_

"No, that's not true! Stop lying to me!"

"_I'm the only person who cares. I'm the only person you can trust. You know that, right, Leni?"_

"Stop it! G-Get out of my head! I don't need you!"

"_You know that, right, Leni? Leni? Leni?"_

"Leni!"

"Shut up!"

"Leni, calm down!" It was Marie again.

She was kneeling down in front of me, holding my hands. I was confused about what had happened because I didn't even remember hearing her come in. But she was here. She was right here trying to calm me down.

'_That's right. Calm down. Just take a deep breath. You can do it.'_

"I-I'm fine now." I said slowly. "I just…"

I paused as my gaze shifted towards Stein. He was always, always with her. I pulled my hands away from Marie and quickly dove behind her, away from him. He had to go. I couldn't say anything with him here. I wouldn't be able to keep myself calm.

"Leni?" Marie asked.

"Make him leave." I whispered. "I-I don't want him here."

She looked between Stein and me and frowned. It was a silly request for me to make and I knew she didn't understand, but if she'd just get him to leave. Then I could tell her. I'd tell her as much as I could make myself say. She was my friend and I was sure she'd help me.

"Stein," she said. "Could you leave the room for a little bit?"

He didn't seem to like the idea very much, but he left anyway. I let of a sigh of relief. It was just Marie and me now. There was no one here who scared me. That was good, but now I had to speak.

"I-I'll speak." I said, moving back to the chair. "I should have said something, but I didn't. I was scared. I didn't know what to say, so I just let it build up. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright. You can talk to me."

Her words were so comforting. She was right, though. I could talk to her. She would listen and then it wouldn't just be me anymore. Someone else would understand and I wouldn't be alone.

That was such a nice thought. I was so glad she was here. She actually cared about what happened to me. I was so glad. So very glad that I couldn't help but start crying.

"I'm sorry." I said between sniffles. "I'm happy. I really am."

"That's fine." She said. "Take your time. I won't rush you."

I didn't want to keep her waiting like that. There was no telling when someone would burst into the room needing my help, so I had to hurry up and get my act together. I had to tell her now or I might not get another chance. I didn't even have to say everything. I could tell her a few things and she could understand everything with just that little bit of information.

"My dad…" I paused and took a deep breath. "This morning, he came to me and… and he asked me t-to go with him. I-I know that seems like such a silly thing to be bothered by, but he's not someone I can trust. He lies to me and he says he cares, but I know he doesn't think very highly of me. I'm worthless to him and he just wants to get rid of me, but he's too much of a coward to do it himself, so he tries to come u-!"

The door to the room flew open and Tsubaki entered, Black Star leaning against her for support. I jumped to my feet and rushed over to her to help. I was a bit afraid, yes, but I had to suck it up. Black Star needed help and I couldn't let my fears get the better of me in a situation like this. We got him over to one of the beds before I looked back over to the door, taking note of the fact that Stein was standing in the doorway.

"I can do this on my own!" I barked before looking back at Tsubaki and taking of my coat. "Hold this to his wound, okay? Put as much pressure on it as you can."

I didn't give her a chance to reply before springing back to my feet and heading over to get some medical supplies. It didn't matter how far my hand reached or if I stood on the tips of my toes, I couldn't reach them. I looked around to see if there was something I could stand on when I noticed Stein walking toward me. I stepped back away from him when he pulled the stuff down for me. I couldn't even get rid of my fears when I really needed to.

"Th-Thank you."

_I don't really enjoy talking too much about cleaning wounds and bandaging them and things like that. My hands were shaking the entire time, but I managed pretty well. The wound wasn't deep enough to kill him, but it was enough to cause a bit of a mess. When I finally got it cleaned and bandaged and everything, I about fell over. But helping Black Star put me one step closer to dealing with my fears and I was happy for that._

_The rest of the day was really nothing important at all. I stayed in the infirmary watching over Black Star to make sure he didn't have an infection and then I was able to go home. I think the one thing I regretted the most that day was not going back and saying more to Marie about what was wrong because it would have helped both of us out in the long run, but I was more interested in getting home and trying to avoid bumping into my dad. I actually thought I was lucky to have gotten home with out seeing him, but that was only because I honestly had no idea what he was plotting other than him wanted to use me for something._


	3. Chapter III

**Disclaimer- **_I do not own Soul Eater or any of the characters from the series and will never claim them as my own. The _only _character I own is Leni Stark._

**A/N-**_ I went back through and reread the first to chapters and spotted several typos that I missed when I was checking for them the first time. I'm not perfect, so this does happen to me quite often. One of the biggest mistakes was that, near the end of chapter 2, I wrote, "I can't" when Leni was supposed to say, "I can". I would like to ask that you guys be on the look out for typos incase I miss something and let me know about them so I can fix them. Thanks in advance._

_OOC warning. I try hard most of the time to keep characters in character, but it's kind of hard sometimes. Please understand this and don't attack me because of it._

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_I decided that I would take a leave from the school for a while because I didn't want to see my father and I knew he was waiting for me. I locked all my front door and all the windows in my apartment in hopes of keeping anyone from coming in. It was a stupid thought because I realized later that, if someone really wanted to get to me, they'd smash through my windows or bust down my door. I never really thought things through when I was in a rut. Then again, I also didn't think clearly at all when I was feeling my best._

_Marie came by every day in an attempt to get me to come outside and do something with her. I would tell her to 'go away' or 'leave me alone' and stay curled up on my couch rather than let her in. Sometimes she would come by more than once a day and I would get annoyed and ignore her, but it was getting to the point that I was starting to feel extremely horrible for not talking to her. On this day, if I had known who was with her, I would have ignored her again, but I just couldn't take it anymore._

"Leni, please open the door."

I looked up from the book I was reading to stare at the door. I felt awful for making her beg and plead to get me to open the door and I really couldn't tell her 'no' this time. I set the book down on my coffee table, marking my place with a slip of paper I had laying around, before getting up and going over to the door. I reached for the first lock and hesitated for a minute. I wasn't really sure if I actually wanted to see her right now.

"Leni?"

I inhaled before completely unlocking the door and opening it. The first person I saw was not Marie and I quickly moved to try and slam the door shut. Stein stopped it from closing without even having to struggle and I stepped back to let them both inside, knowing that I really had no say in the matter. I closed and locked the door behind them before going back over to the couch and sitting down. I had nothing to say to either of them.

"It's really stuffy in here." Marie said before going over to one of the windows. "Why don't we open a window to get some fresh air flowing into the room?"

"Leave it closed." I said, turning my attention to Stein, who had just decided to take a seat next to me on the couch. "D-Don't sit next to me."

"There's no where else to sit." He replied.

'_Liar! There's a table in the kitchen. You could go sit in one of those chairs.'_

I heard the lock on the window click and looked back over at Marie. She had opened the window even though I told her not to. I guess it wasn't so bad having the window open. I hadn't gotten any fresh air in a while, so whatever. I could just close it in a little bit if it really started bothering me.

Or I could jump out of it if Stein started to bother me more than he was right now. My hands were shaking already and it was hard to focus on anything without looking at him out of the corner of my eye. Every little shift he made caused me to jump slightly. I really didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to take this.

"Do you have anything to make tea?" Marie asked from somewhere in the kitchen.

"Y-Yeah. Look in the cabinet above the stove."

After that, the only noise there was came from Marie in the kitchen. I tried to pick up where I left off in my book, but I couldn't focus no matter how hard I tried. I considered giving up quite a few times and just getting up and leaving, but the closest exit was that open window and it was a straight drop to the ground. I would break a bone or worse if I tried that and I wasn't up for that so soon. If I just tried to last a little longer, maybe they'd leave soon. But it was so incredibly awkward sitting in silence next to someone frightened me beyond the point of belief.

"What's that book?" Stein asked suddenly.

"I-It's a book about bones." I stuttered.

He stared at the page I was on for a minute or two before looking over at my bookshelf. I didn't actually have very many real books. The majority of them, like the one I was reading through at the moment, were medical related. A few of them were psychology books and then the remaining books were either horror related or mystery novels. I didn't really like horror films or books, but sometimes I would buy them just because. I actually only ever read one or two pages of each book, so they pretty much just collected dust on the shelf.

"What are all those books?" He asked.

"S-S-Some of them are about bones, like this one." I paused to gesture toward the book in my lap. "Others are about things like… operations… and stitches. They're… uh… they're mostly medical books. "

"Mostly?"

'_Please top asking questions.'_

"I-I have a few mystery and… h-horror novels."

"Can I go look at them?"

'_Would you just quit talking to me? Go ahead and go look at them. Just get away from me and leave me alone.'_

"Y-Yeah. Just don't mess up the order they're in."

Marie came back into the front room as Stein got up to go look at my books. She tried handing me a cup of tea, but I asked her to set it on the coffee table. I didn't want to take my eyes off of Stein in case he messed up the order of my books. It's not like I wasn't really that obsessive over my books, but I had them arranged by what they covered. That way, I could just look at that section on my bookshelf and pick out one of them without having to look all over the place for it.

Stein scanned all my shelves. Sometimes he picked one out, opened to a random page, flipped through a few pages if it caught his interest, and would either put in back on the shelf or put it into a pile of books I assumed he was going to take with him when he left. I doubted he'd listen to me if I told him he couldn't take them, so wasn't even going to try. It was just like how Marie opened the window before even though I told her not to. I guess my opinion didn't matter even if it was my apartment.

'_Is my opinion really that invalid that I can't object to anything at all?'_

"Leni?"

I looked at Marie and she smiled at me. I felt a sting in my heart because I'd been so rude to her for the past few days just because I couldn't handle myself well enough. She didn't have to bother with me so much. There were things that were far more important to worry about than just me. It would have been so much better if she focused on those things more, but she was focusing on worrying about me.

"Yeah?" I asked, finally reaching for that cup of tea she brought me.

"I want to help you." She replied. "If there's anything I ca-!"

"It's not something you can help with!"

The room fell silent again. I looked down at the cup in my hands and saw my reflection in the tea. I was a total wreck since that stupid man showed up. If he had just stayed out of my life and left me in peace, I wouldn't be like this right now. I could have gotten better without out anything holding me back.

"Damn it!" I hissed, squeezing the cup tightly in my hands. "That's not… that's not what I meant to say. "

'_Ah, but that is what I meant to say.'_

"I don't know anymore." I continued before they had a chance to say anything. "I don't know! What am I… what am I supposed to say?! That I'm sorry for ignoring you? What do you want from me?! What do you want me t-!"

_At that point, Marie backhanded me. I dropped my cup on impact and ended up against the arm of the couch. She hit me so hard and so unexpectedly that I was in shock, but I realize now that I deserved it. If I had been smart enough to realize that back then, well, I'd probably have been in better shape than I was. But I didn't._

"You…" I paused and brought my hand up to my cheek. "You… You hit me."

She stood there looking at me with an expression that sent chills down my spine. It wasn't a cold expression or one you would give to someone you hated. It was one full of disgust and disbelief. She was mad at me. Furious with how I was acting, but I wasn't the one who was wrong.

"You hit me." I repeated, forcing myself to my feet. "Y-You hit me!"

'_No. Calm down, Leni. She didn't mean to. Of course! It was an accident.'_

"Stein!" She called, backing away from me.

Suddenly Stein was behind me, his arms locking mine behind my back. I screamed and kicked and did everything I could to make him let go of me, but nothing worked. No matter how hard I struggled, not matter how hard I kicked and screamed, he wouldn't let go. I wanted him to let me go. This wasn't right. It wasn't fair.

"Calm down!" Stein grunted as I swung my leg back and kicked my heel into his leg.

"Shut up!" I shrieked. "Let go! Let me go!"

"Leni, please le-!"

"I said 'shut up'!" I hissed, cutting Marie off. "No. No, I get it! I shouldn't have trusted you! You're no different from everyone one else! You're just trying to hurt me!"

"That's not true!" She snapped back. "Leni, _listen_ to me! I want to help you. Calm down and get a hold of yourself!"

"Liar!"

"You're stronger than this, Leni." She said, her voice as calm as she could make it be. "I know it's hard, but you have to calm down. I know there's this urge telling you to just give in, but you have to fight it. I'm here for you. I want to help you and so does Stein. So you have to trust us and let us help you."

She slowly stepped closer and extended her hand toward me. Stein put me back on my feet and finally let go of my arms. The look on Marie's face, her expression, made my heart ache. She was so sincere in her gesture and words and expression and it hurt me. It hurt me so much that I started to cry.

I took her hand and she pulled me against her, embracing me tightly. She rested her cheek and the top of my head and held me tighter. I could trust her. I really could trust her. Even if everyone else was against me, I knew I could trust her.

"I'm sorry!" I cried. "I'm so sorry!"

"Shhh." She replied. "It's alright. Stop crying. You'll be alright."

_The only response I could give her was 'I'm sorry'. I was so ashamed of myself and I never wanted to feel something like that ever again. But life is hateful sometimes and you can't stop what comes you're way. It would have been nice if I could have, but I guess that's where the saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' comes in. Too bad I couldn't go back and beat that into my head._

_Sometime went by and Marie finally got me to calm down completely. She helped me clean up the mess that was made when she hit me and I apologized to her again before I finally thanked her. She smiled at me with that contagious smile and managed to even get me to laugh a little. And still, even then I didn't know exactly how much in debt I was going to be to her from that point on. Or Stein, for that matter, but I was still so scared of him then._

_By they time they finally decided to leave, the sun was starting to set it night time was approaching quickly. Stein pretty much told me he was taking the books he'd pulled of the shelf with him and never gave me an estimate of time when he'd return them, leading me to the conclusion that I would probably never see them again. The last thing Marie said to me on the way out the door was that it would be in my best interest to return to school the next day. The moment they were gone, I closed and locked my door and the window that had been opened and went to my bedroom to get some rest. That day had been long and tiresome and I needed a bunch of sleep if I wanted to be up and ready the next morning._


End file.
